Misery Loves Company

"Does Jackie let you smoke in your room?"

"I do it, but she seems to bum out about it a little."

Indeed it would be easier if her roommate was a smoker.  She'd requested one, but no such luck.

"Has she tried it, do you think?"

"I really doubt it. She still does cheerleading and stuff."

"Maybe with a little encouragement ..."

"You're so bad."

"I'm just saying, she may be more comfortable hanging out if she tried it."

"I hope you're not serious. You do know it's really not cool to encourage someone, right?  Especially you guys with your delusional 'I'm not hooked' ... 'I just like it' ... 'it relieves stress' bullshit.  You guys could probably convince anyone that it's okay ... you're in such denial."

"Alright, we don't need to get into that again, do we?  It's just smoking, it's a choice ... people do quit you know."

"I can't be the only one who regrets starting.  It's such a hassle, it costs too much ... but I wasn't careful and I let it get me."  With that, she picked up the red Marlboro pack in front of her and shook out her 19th cigarette of the day.  Given the topic, she lit it with a self awareness that she almost never felt.  "Yeah, okay, people do quit, but have you tried.  It's fucking impossible, I think.  I can't go like five hours really, and I started like seven months ago.  I don't think it gets easier."

"Yeah, of course, you got to want to quit, but you totally can when you want.  Like after graduation, I'll totally stop."

"I hope you do.  I hope I do too.  I'm just not sure it's gonna be that easy.  Nicotine don't play, as they say.  It's a bitch that grabs on with both hands."  She was upsetting herself and stopped talking for fear of her emotions taking over.  It wouldn't do to choke up in front of her friends ... for her secret regret to make such a public appearance.  The tears of shame were best kept to herself in the dark, late at night as she tried to drift off to sleep.