Thursday, July 4, 2013
Misery Loves Company
"Does Jackie let you smoke in your room?"
"I do it, but she seems to bum out about it a little."
Indeed it would be easier if her roommate was a smoker. She'd requested one, but no such luck.
"Has she tried it, do you think?"
"I really doubt it. She still does cheerleading and stuff."
"Maybe with a little encouragement ..."
"You're so bad."
"I'm just saying, she may be more comfortable hanging out if she tried it."
"I hope you're not serious. You do know it's really not cool to encourage someone, right? Especially you guys with your delusional 'I'm not hooked' ... 'I just like it' ... 'it relieves stress' bullshit. You guys could probably convince anyone that it's okay ... you're in such denial."
"Alright, we don't need to get into that again, do we? It's just smoking, it's a choice ... people do quit you know."
"I can't be the only one who regrets starting. It's such a hassle, it costs too much ... but I wasn't careful and I let it get me." With that, she picked up the red Marlboro pack in front of her and shook out her 19th cigarette of the day. Given the topic, she lit it with a self awareness that she almost never felt. "Yeah, okay, people do quit, but have you tried. It's fucking impossible, I think. I can't go like five hours really, and I started like seven months ago. I don't think it gets easier."
"Yeah, of course, you got to want to quit, but you totally can when you want. Like after graduation, I'll totally stop."
"I hope you do. I hope I do too. I'm just not sure it's gonna be that easy. Nicotine don't play, as they say. It's a bitch that grabs on with both hands." She was upsetting herself and stopped talking for fear of her emotions taking over. It wouldn't do to choke up in front of her friends ... for her secret regret to make such a public appearance. The tears of shame were best kept to herself in the dark, late at night as she tried to drift off to sleep.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Latest Nicotine Addict

New Smoker Discovers That She's Hooked
This video has proven to be pretty popular on Youtube. There have been a number of comments stating that -- given her well developed style -- she's clearly not a brand new smoker.
I think that's right. It seems clear to me that this girl has been doing it for a little while and a good number of cigarettes have passed between those lips. I think the video tries to capture that moment of realization that she's flat out hooked. No possibility of denying it to herself any longer ... she is encountering the dramatic lifestyle adjustments of the full-time smoker, and all the private regrets that come with developing such a foolish habit.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
To start ....


I'll start with these photos because they capture something very basic about the attractiveness of female smoking for me. A group of friends smiling and smoking together. Such images always suggest to me various stories of starting ... maybe having a picture taken with her 'first cigarette', inhaling a little, getting that giggling encouragement from the more experienced among you, etc, etc, until each member of the group falls in line.
Perhaps only one of these girls was a smoker when they first met ... "It's a disgusting habit, but she's really nice." Nights out drinking lead to the inevitable first cigarette, which steadily leads to regular bumming, buying the first pack, second pack, etc. Then having it extend past "only when I drink" ... before long each of you has picked a favorite brand that becomes a permanent fixture in your backpack and handbag, and, sadly, there will be a tear-filled conversation with mom and dad sometime soon.
Still, it's your life and you're old enough to make your own decisions. The thing is, you never really put any thought into this at all. No one really chooses to allow things to get to this place ... getting irretrievably hooked on the steady nicotine fixes ... it just sort of 'happens'. Eventually, you realize that you're just the latest dupe of Big Tobacco in an age when anyone with half a brain should be able to steer clear. But then the urge comes knocking again, and each time you fulfill it without much consideration of the consequences.
The beast couldn't gain a grip until you invited it in. But, alas, you did, and a lifetime as (gasp) a smoker is now your fate.
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